There are many obvious reasons for needing a ceiling fan. Most often, it’s because your old ceiling fan isn’t worth fixing. But there are many other, non-obvious reasons to need a ceiling fan, and Steve has heard over 20 years of excuses.

Steve, Ceiling Fan Expert at Hansen Wholesale
By Steve,
Ceiling Fan Expert
at Hansen Wholesale

Steve has heard every reason in the book for needing a ceiling fan. And yes, there is a story behind each and every one of these. Give Steve a call to talk about them. (ed.)

All the Reasons You Might Need a Ceiling Fan

May 26th, 2017

  1. If your wife snores too loudly, you might need a ceiling fan. (But not one of ours.)

 

  1. If you live South of the Mason-Dixon Line, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. BTW, If you live North of the Mason-Dixon line, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If your husband has a man cave, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you just can’t relax, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you like to race sailboats in your bathtub, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you have an old-style tube TV, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If your ice maker is broken, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If your A/C costs too much, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you served your country, I thank you for your service!

 

  1. If it’s too hot under the trellis by your pool, you might need a ceiling fan. And I’d appreciate an invite.

 

  1. If you like to exercise at home, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you enjoy meditation, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you need help getting your long hair into a hive, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If it gets too hot in your bedroom, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If it’s obvious that you’re losing to your poker buddies, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you like books, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you have an outdoor kitchen, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you like art, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you like getting a great deal, you might need a ceiling fan from Hansen Wholesale.

 

  1. If you like whirligigs, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you enjoy dreaming of far-off places, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you’re a Republican or a Democrat or an Independent or some other political party or no political party, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you are extremely wealthy, you need a ceiling fan. And you should call me.

 

  1. If you are feeling economically disadvantaged, you may need a ceiling fan.  And you should call Felix.

 

  1. If you like the look of airplanes flying out of your ceiling, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If Luke found out you are his father, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you haven’t figured this out yet, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you like having parties, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. You may need a ceiling fan if you have unwanted aerial guests.

 

  1. You may need a ceiling fan to get your mother-in-law to go home.

 

  1. You may need a ceiling fan if your newborn needs a sitter.

 

  1. You may need a ceiling fan if your dog gives you the look.

 

  1. You may need a ceiling fan if your mate sleeps with the window open.

 

  1. You may need a ceiling fan when your great American novel is a bust.

 

  1. You may need a ceiling fan if your kids invite the whole block over.

 

  1. You may need a ceiling fan if you have sons.

 

  1. If you get too much sun on the other hand, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. You may need a ceiling fan if you have a wood stove.

 

  1. You may need a ceiling fan if you have a sleeping porch.

 

  1. You may need a ceiling fan if your mate is a culinary genius.

 

  1. You may need a ceiling fan if you’re into organic gardening.

 

  1. If you’re losing to your kids at Monopoly, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If your kids are losing to you at Monopoly, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If your favorite song is Brandy, you may need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you can’t sleep, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you have an ugly ceiling fan, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If your light wobbles but it moves no air, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If your kid has a loose tooth, you might need a ceiling fan. (No. Actually, don’t do that.)

 

  1. If you like talking to me, Steve, or Andrew, Christina, Erick, Felix, Marnie, or Terry, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you feel like you’re living in a time warp, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you like the sounds of silence, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If jigsaw puzzles aren’t challenging enough, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you hate sand art, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If your food is too spicy, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you get dizzy easily, you might not need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If your heater works too well, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If summer breeze makes you feel nice, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you don’t have a window anywhere in your place, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you don’t like going up ladders, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you’re a fan of fans, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you’re a ceiling fan collector, call me right away. Oh, and you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you like colors or the complete absence thereof, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you want to keep the outdoor sports outside, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you enjoy listening to music, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you’re happy and you know it, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you drink champagne while singing Auld Lang Syne, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you have misters in your gazebo, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you think your steed is the next Sea Biscuit, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you live like the Rockefellers, you might need a ceiling fan. Me too! Wanna be friends?

 

  1. If Larry comes over and smells, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If Darryl smells, too, you really need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you need a place to put your mistletoe during Christmas time, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you enjoy shopping at Hansen Wholesale, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you drink too much eggnog, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you enjoy sitting around, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you float like a butterfly and sting like a bee, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you like a big tall glass of water, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If people say, “well, bless your heart” when talking to you, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you have nightmares about being stranded in the desert, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you enjoy beautiful design, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you’re in love, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you have a lot to do, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you’re feeling lucky, punk, you may not need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you have a computer, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you confuse your remote for your telephone, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you host the bridge club, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you like pina coladas, and getting caught in the rain, you might need a wet-rated ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you prefer cars with wheels, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you enjoy coming up with ceiling fan jokes, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you’re alone and okay, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you’re bored off your gourd, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you enjoy shopping, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If Interior Decoration is your favorite pastime, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you prefer Large Cents to Peace Dollars, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you have an ugly ceiling, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you’re smarter than a 5th grader, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you’re a redneck, you might need a ceiling fan.

 

  1. If you have any more to add, let me know.

 

  1. If you need a ceiling fan, let me know. You might need a ceiling fan.

 

The characters and events in this blog post are fictitious. Any apparent similarity to real persons is not intended by the author and is a coincidence or the product of your troubled imagination.

 

- Steve
800-201-1193 x114
Underappreciated Comedic Genius,
Ceiling Fan Expert, and Personal Shopper, Hansen Wholesale

 

The following is a paid gratuitous commercial advertisement, brought to you by our sponsor Hansen Wholesale.

 

More information to follow in the coming weeks.

 

If any of you can determine the common thread among the following ceiling fans (on the right or below, depending on how you're looking) - BESIDES the fact that they're all Emerson Ceiling Fans - I want to hear. And by the way, you're a serious ceiling fan nerd.

 

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